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Monday, October 15, 2007

FW: (from Craigslist)

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City , so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 100 - 150. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 150,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.




THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard tobelieve that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

____________
Rob Campbell
J.P.Morgan
Diversified Industrials Investment Banking
277 Park Avenue, 16/F, New York , NY 10172


Monday, March 26, 2007

拥抱的问号

寂寞是
一种自由
如此的赤裸裸
倒影心的轮廓

还有谁不怕寂寞
于是接受
遇见了某一个人
这不是选择

我还在你的眼中
可是爱
不确定了
是不是我们都太习惯了
所以爱被悄悄
取代了

拥抱着
怎么还会寂寞
面对你爱我的动作
到不了我的心中
拥抱我
你难道不寂寞
我们之间除了熟悉
还缺了些什么
当阳光都暗了

你我
平行的线
守望着一个梦
中途却醒来了

我发现心中的爱
少于歉咎
宁可被你伤了
不要你难过

你还在我的眼中
可是爱
不确定了
是不是我们都太习惯了
所以爱被悄悄
取代了

拥抱着
怎么还会寂寞
面对你爱我的动作
到不了我的心中
拥抱我
你难道不寂寞
我们之间除了熟悉
还缺了些甚么
拥抱后
空虚还缠着我
我怀疑每一对恋人
都能爱得很久
拥抱我
你难道不寂寞
我们之间除了熟悉
还缺了些甚么

当我们都沉默


Wednesday, March 14, 2007

To all the women

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "
University of Oklahoma ."

And they say blondes are dumb...

-----------------------------------------------------------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,

"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."



The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

-----------------------------------------------------------

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"



"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

-----------------------------------------------------------

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?



She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?



A: A rumor

-----------------------------------------------------------

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.



The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.



Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.



The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...



Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!



Gotta love that fairy!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Lord,



I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.



AMEN



----------------------------------------------------------



Q: Why do little boys whine?



A: They are practicing to be men.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?



A: Trustworthy.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?





A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?



A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?



A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"


Monday, February 12, 2007

Small Wooden Ball

Body: A man went to a barber for a trim and a shave.

While the barber was lathering the man up for his shave, the man
told the barber that he always has a hard time getting a close shave
on his cheeks.

The barber pulled a small wooden ball out of this cabinet
drawer. "Place this ball between your cheek and gum on the right
side and I can give you a close shave."

The man did this, and the barber shaved the right side of his
face. "Wow!" exclaimed the man, "that is great!" He put the ball in
the left side of his mouth, in anticipation of the barber's next
move and with muffled voice asked, "Buh wat happens if I accidentowy
swawo du baw?"

The barber said, "Just bring it back tomorrow. That's what most guys
do."


Wednesday, February 07, 2007

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, they are always in and answer.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold .



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